Before the Sun Rises

Last night one my friend tweeted about Before Sunrise he has just watched. It’s an old movie actually, starred by Ethan Hawke and the one and only Julie Delpy. Many of my friends love this movie. The two actors played as strangers who met on a train and caught in the middle of the smooth casual-but-deep conversation all day long. They both stuck on each other ever since.

Well, I’m not going to elaborate about how good the movie was and what makes me and most of my friends feel head over heels about it. The movie instantly brought me back to the high school years. I knew Before Sunrise (and Before Sunset) from my senior—two years older. I had a major crush on him back then. Long story short, we used to stayed up all night chatting on MiRC (yes, it was circa 2001, we even “founded” Late Nite Insomnia Club for God’s sake) talked about almost everything; music (we both love British musicians), movies (we have many same favourite movies), and personal life (family, education, love life, etc). For a moment there, I felt like the wannabe version of Before Sunrise & Before Sunset‘s Jesse-Celine. LOL! (If you still clueless about what I’m talking about, go watch the movie. Find the nearest pirated DVD kiosk from your current place or simply download it, you lazy-ass.)

“To have a Before Sunset conversation is the highest achievement of every in-a-relationship person,” tweeted my friend.

Only of course, I never had a relationship with—let’s just call him—Spiteri. Our only offline contact was going to the tribute gig, where some bands were covering other British bands. We went there with couple other friends. So it was not a date. Not even close. But that’s not the point. My friend was right. Having someone you can talk to, is an achievement. Let alone the “Before Sunrise & Before Sunset” kind.

Spiteri is a married man now, thanks to Before Sunrise & Before Sunset the movies. Confuse? Let me tell you something funny about him. Many years ago, he told me over MiRC that he “met” this girl, who also a fan of the movies. Dare to take a guess where did they meet? Facebook’s movies column.

I kid you not.

In the old times, you can click on the movie title to see who else liked the movie. Including some strangers who are not in you inner-friend circle. Spiteri was so excited about this girl. The 10 years age difference didn’t hold him back to get to know her. Years went by until the day they got married. What a shame I couldn’t attend the reception because I was on duty out of town.

Did I feel sad? I must admit, yes.

Did I feel heartbroken? No, I didn’t, because I never give it to him. So, what’s there to break?

Did I love him? You see, I didn’t have enough guts to call it love. I’m afraid I have to quote Celine from the Before Sunrise to express my feeling about the concept of love, “I think I can really fall in love when I know everything about someone-the way he’s going to part his hair, which shirt he’s going to wear that day, knowing the exact story he’d tell in a given situation. I’m sure that’s when I know I’m really in love.” Let alone call him my soulmate. Just because we share many things in common, doesn’t mean we are soulmate.

Years go by as we’re living our own life. Him with his little family, and me with the boyfriend I love dearly. He has found his Celine, and I have found my Jesse.

I still remember him sometimes. Even-though he’s just a one click-away on my Yahoo! Messenger or Facebook, we never talk to each other anymore. No reason, we just don’t. Some people might say there’s still unfinished business, but I dare to say no. Nothing will ever finished because we have started none. I resist the will to say “Hi” even for the sake of the old times, and neither does he. No hurt feeling whatsoever. It’s part of being a grownup.

I will always remember him as a good friend of mine who I used to share many things to. My highschool era was suck less, one of them because of our before-the-sun-rises chat over MiRC. He used to be my mood booster everytime I feel the lack of will to drag my body out of the bed to attend school more often. It felt good.

At this very moment,  allow me to wish him enough. To the Founder of Late Nate Insomnia Club, the writer of unfinished Fridon Carter; Spiteri.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough “Hello” to get you through the final “Goodbye”.*

We’re not friends. We’re just strangers with memory.

..

And to all of you who are reading this post, who enjoy even the smallest talk with the loved ones;  who remember those who keep you carry on; who cherish small things that matter. I wish you enough.

..

*Credits: Image and I Wish You Enough

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